Can Anyone Hear Me?!
What do you do when you're torn between what you want to do and what you're "supposed" to do?
By "supposed," I mean something you may have been conditioned to do your entire life. School, for example. You know from the time you are young that you're "supposed" to go to school and get good grades. Maybe people at your school and your family are emphasizing the importance of continuing your education by going to college so that you can get a good job and start a career. Then, you decide that you don't want anything to do with school. Do you stay to appease everyone around you? Do you risk doing something "else"? There are folks out there may not understand your choices. There may be a risk that these people will never forgive you for these choices? Or maybe they will judge you.. think you're dumb or something. Is your opinion really the only one that matters here? It's your life, right?
I'm walking my journey right now and I am seeing so many forks and crossroads ahead and the fear is so real. I feel it every day. I've spent my whole life allowing others to drive my decisions. So much so that I've lost track of what it is that I want for myself.
Unfortunately, it's too late for me. Now I have a family, so it's no longer about me. Now things are even more complicated, but I'm even more motivated to make whatever change this is that I need to change. I'm motivated to do it without considering the influences around me.
Just because I'm motivated, however, doesn't mean I have gathered the strength.
This is one of those instances where my mind is racing and I just need to get my thoughts out where I can see them. To me, it seems like a jumbled mess of uncertainty but maybe somebody out there feels me.